I've dated. I've had my fair share of boyfriends,
but nothing seems to stick.
I can't find him.
Or he can't find me.
It's just frustrating... really frustrating.
And it gets harder the older I get.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just too picky.
Or maybe what they say is true...
that all the good ones are taken.
I'm disappointed.
No, I'm angry that at this stage of my life
I'm still looking.
I just want to find the right guy,
get married and have children.
And I don't think that that's too much to ask.
I keep waiting for this magical moment
when true love strikes,
but I don't wanna just wait anymore.
I gotta figure out what to do.
I know what you want. It's what we all want.
What is more important than finding the right person
to share your life with, a great guy, a home,
maybe a family?
I get it. I really do.
But you haven't found him yet.
Maybe you're feeling unlucky.
That may be true, but it takes more than luck.
I've been putting together people for years,
just like my mother and my grandmother did.
I'm a matchmaker and I can help you,
but no more feeling sorry for yourself.
No more drowning your sorrow in a half-gallon of Haagen-Dazs.
I'm gonna show you how to make it happen...
and guess what... in a year.
12 months from now, you'll be planning that wedding.
Trust me. I can get you there.
It starts with months one through three,
discovering the best you.
Since I've been married, my life has been just very fulfilled.
My wife has been a great support, great companion.
I feel fortunate every day that I was fortunate enough to meet her,
and that we've had such a great friendship
on top of all the love and great times
and adventures that we've enjoyed.
And I love that I have somebody that I can depend upon 24/7.
Good, bad and the ugly,
I always have somebody there for me.
My strategy will work for anyone, but you have to commit to it.
Commit right now and it starts with Dating Detox.
Here's how it works. No dates for 30 to 90 days.
You should be thinking, "Today is the day I start with me."
Find the happiness in you. Discover your feminine side.
This is the journey to make you feel good about yourself.
It begins with letting go of a lot of negatives.
Anger, frustration, bitterness...
regardless if they are justified, these are unattractive qualities
and can get in the way of your own happiness and appeal.
Here are some things that may be just what the doctor ordered
to get you back to you:
Get lost in your favorite book or movie.
Take a long hot bath.
Take a quick weekend vacation.
Pet or hold something furry.
Work on your favorite hobby.
Plant something. Listen to happy music.
Sign up for a class or workshop.
Perfect.
But before we leap to the next step,
what has Dating Detox done for you?
I don't care what my mother did to me
or what her mother did to her.
It's about me now.
I am not desperate.
I can bounce back from a bad heartbreak.
I thought I knew what I liked in a man,
but what I want is someone with a spiritual side like myself.
Me time got me back into my body.
I became so much more attractive,
not just to others, but to myself.
I have forgiven all of the other men before,
and I'm such a better woman.
Thanks, guys, for coming.
Okay, so we're gonna get right down to business.
This is Beth. She's a sweet girl with a bright big heart.
That's great, but look at her.
Obviously, she's not that concerned with her appearance.
She wants a guy to fall in love with her for her inner beauty. Yep.
And based on that novel she's reading, she wants a hot guy too.
Sorry, Beth.
You want a hot guy that makes you juicy-goosey downstairs,
you better make sure his penis can get off the couch.
If you're a young person and you're sedentary,
I would say that there's something wrong with your purpose in life.
And if that be the case, you need therapy.
And if that's not the case, then you need something
to motivate you to get up, out and off.
Because sitting around is not gonna help your brain,
nor your body maintain its equilibrium and its vitality.
Perfect! Good job, Beth.
She's getting it.
The first step is always the hardest. Let's hope she sticks with it.
This is Tracy.
She has a whole different set of issues,
starting with how others perceive her.
With her, it's all about sex.
She leads with her sexual foot.
If she was any less subtle, she'd be giving the guy a lap dance.
Tracy thinks she's going to find true love
by showing a ton of cleavage and wiggling her butt.
But sorry! Jessica Rabbit was a Ionely cartoon.
So a lot of women use sex or their body
to get what they want, and people think,
"Oh, that's a big mistake."
For some women, that's really the only tool they have.
That's the most effective thing they have
to bring a man into their world.
The problem is, and it's almost always
going to go this way, that can't last over time.
Okay, so let's look at these two types of people.
First, we've got Beth.
I mean, come on, she's frumpty dumpty, right?
I mean, who's gonna date you?
Most guys lead with their penis.
In this case, if they're looking at her,
they'd go gay at this point.
So what I'm saying to her is we're gonna take off
her frumpty dumptiness.
We're gonna pull down her top and give her a little cleavage.
And maybe you'll put on a dress and some heels
and a guy will want to date you, okay?
Now let's look at Tracy.
Tracy is way too revealing.
I mean, most guys are gonna go straight in there
and not even think she has a heart or a brain.
So what we're gonna do is we're gonna pull this up just a smidgen
and let her lead with her intelligence and her inner beauty.
Who wants to come up on stage and want a makeover from me?
Okay, you come up and how about you in the middle in the white shirt?
So what I'm gonna do right now is I'm gonna do a makeover.
I'm gonna be the cruelest I can be.
I hate to say this,
but we're going full Patti force, okay?
Okay?
There's a reason I picked you two, okay?
All right, so you came out tonight.
Now what if a guy who's coming to see me...
you know, I do get straight men who like me, no offense...
so would you meet a guy this way, dressed like this?
And what do you think's wrong with you?
I think I could lose a few pounds, honestly.
Okay, I'm not working... look, fit and curvy...
there's lots of guys that like fit and curvy
or girls 20 Ibs more or 15 Ibs more.
It's not in L.A. It's in Chicago.
'Cause they like to store for the winter.
And they don't like to sleep with a bag of bones,
to be honest with you.
Okay? But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about your outfit.
First of all, are we circa 1980-whatever?
So that's very dated.
And although it looks really chic on Jessica Simpson
or whoever's wearing it right now, lose it.
Less is more. I wanna see your curves.
There's Spanx. There's shapewear out there.
There's lots of great things that can suck and tuck you in.
Yummie Tummies is a great T-shirt.
So I wanna see you in a fitted long top
that hits you right here, okay?
And you can wear black leggings and I'll give you the boots.
But I don't like this Pat-Benatar-l-wanna-be hairstyle.
Okay? Like, who are you? Seriously.
So you have beautiful hair.
Okay, we need an actual part.
And I would highlight it and choose a color, honey.
- Brown or blonde? Just no red. - Blonde.
- Now you gonna do blonde? - Yes.
A little more lip gloss and a little more rouge
and you're set to go.
And I'll give you the pushup bra with the cleavage.
Okay? All right?
So that's like going out on Sunday and hanging out with your friends.
That's the look.
But for you... what are you wearing?
Are we going to the zoo? Are we going to the zoo?
Are you an animal that just hasn't been discovered yet?
What is this outfit?
- Something I pulled out... - Pearls sell grandma.
A woman should never buy pearls
even if they're cheap from Ann Taylor,
but she should always have a man give you pearls.
That's a superstition in the Jewish religion.
I bet you didn't know that.
If you give yourself pearls, you stay single forever.
Truth be told, the less jewelry you wear,
the more the guy's gonna give you.
So let's get rid of the jewelry, okay?
The second thing is you need shapewear, okay?
Now I don't wanna say are you pregnant?
But what is this?
Now we can suck and tuck 'cause that's what I'm wearing.
I'm wearing shapewear.
I'm sucking and tucking and I'm losing weight every day.
I want to see... first of all, this is too long for you.
You need to go up to here, and I want strappy high shoes,
like, really... like I'm wearing my Louboutins,
but you can wear 4" heels for you.
- Now we gotta fix the hair. - Okay.
Lots of... it's not a color. Is it orange?
Is it blonde? Did we get it in the crayon box?
What is this? So look at those eyes.
You have the most gorgeous blue eyes.
You need to play them up.
I want darker eyes and darker hair.
- Okay. - And then, you know,
losing weight is about feeling good.
It's not because you're losing weight to get a guy.
You're losing weight so you fit in your clothes.
- Would you like to be a different size? - Oh yeah.
- What size do you wanna be? - Probably a nine or an eight.
Okay, you can get there. You can get there, okay?
There are as many different ways to get there,
but the number one way is exercise.
And that's because the endorphins start to pump.
You start to feel good about yourself.
And you start to relax and you're no longer in heat.
And then the guy notices you at the grocery store.
- So what's your name? - Wendy.
- Marisa. - So let's thank Wendy
and Marisa for coming onstage.
Thanks, guys.
All right, now let's see how Beth and Tracy are doing
with their makeovers.
Now isn't this better?
I mean, look at Beth!
I'd do her. I mean, she looks hot.
And look at... I didn't know you had boobs, honey.
Yeah.
And you got lip gloss and strappy sandals.
I mean, she looks vava-vavoom.
But now look at Tracy.
Not only is she still hot and sexy,
she's covering up the assets so he gets to look into her eyes.
This is so much better. I wanna thank you both.
You did the most amazing job.
Okay?
You both get As. Go to the head of the class.
This is a vision board. It's a tool to help you decide
exactly what you're looking for in a man and what you want in life.
Buy a bunch of magazines, grab a handful of catalogs
and whatever works for you.
And start cutting out the things you want from the universe:
Pictures of guys you feel are good-Iooking;
Activities such as cooking, hiking or going to the theater
which may be important to you;
A pet, an animal you love; That new car;
What about a ring?
And you can write on there too: Passions, desires, feelings,
everything you want out of life.
Vision boards are an important tool.
It is absolutely critical for people
to visualize what it is that they want,
to make a list of what it is they want.
You've got to have that because if you don't know where you're going,
how are you ever gonna get there?
Okay. Now terrific guys do exist.
However, different women look for different things in a man.
You could like the strong silent type while someone else
is looking for a funny teddy bear to cuddle with.
You have to figure out what qualities are important to you,
which ones are the deal-breakers.
Now there are five non-negotiables
that every woman has to do.
Not 10, not 50, not 100.
Okay, the five non-negotiables are the five things
that you can't live without when you get married.
So for instance, if religion is important to me
and I'm Jewish, I can't date a Christian guy.
If I wanna live in L.A., I can't date a New Yorker.
And if I want a guy who's financially secure,
I can't date someone who makes less money than me.
These are important things that you have to do.
The five non-negotiables are your deal-breakers.
So the one thing you gotta remember is
you only get two physical quirks.
Because we live in a town that's all about beauty,
you get hair and height.
You get straight teeth and muscles.
You don't get the whole enchilada.
Beth needs to determine her five non-negotiables.
One is marriage.
Two, definitely kids.
Three, he's gotta be tall and great eyes.
I do not do well with short guys.
Four is a sense of humor, a good one.
A good relationship with his family.
Good one. It's a great indicator of what your family life will be like.
Now I'd like to hear from Tracy's list.
Number one, marriage-minded.
I can go either way with kids, so I'm not gonna put them on my list.
Number two, a moderate drinker or less.
I guess I'd had some issues there before.
Number three, a good kisser...
real important and I'm gonna count that
as half of my physical quirks.
The other one is a nice smile.
Number four, a good listener.
I can't stand someone who only likes to hear the sound of their own voice.
Plus, I like to talk. I admit it.
And number five, trustworthy.
I really want a guy who's loyal and honest.
I once had a boyfriend who was very comfortable
telling little white lies and then the lies got bigger.
That's a deal-breaker for me.
As I said there are no right or wrong answers here.
Just your answers. Let's try something.
Okay, let's hear some of your non-negotiables.
Okay, what are some of your physical quirks?
How about you in the audience in the front row?
- I like tall guys. - You like tall guys.
- And yours? - Make me laugh.
Make you laugh. Okay.
What about the serious non-negotiables?
Such as you want to get married today
and he wants to five years from now.
- How about you? - No children.
No children? Okay, and you?
Very tall.
So we're going for a physical guy.
Okay, and how about you lastly on the end over there?
No addictions.
That's an L.A. One, huh?
Okay, great.
Now that you have your five non-negotiables,
it's not about sex.
It's not about the bedroom. It's about finding the right guy.
So how do you know that the guy's the right guy for you?
It's pretty simple. He shows up on time.
He calls when he says he's gonna call you.
And you get to be that Saturday-night girl.
And I promise you,
if you follow these rules of the road, you will get the guy.
We've just completed months one through three
on our path to getting married in a year.
It included...
For months four through six, it's about where and how
to find the right guy.
I had just come back from a trip to Ireland
with this guy that I had been seeing,
and it was tumultuous and awful
and I was complaining to my hairdresser
about how it just had gone south.
And he said, "There is this guy that I really want you to meet.
He doesn't have any money, but he's super cute and really nice.
"So come to my Halloween party 'cause he's gonna be there."
So I had my little Betty Boop outfit on,
and I had five parties lined up for the night,
and I was gonna hit 'em all up.
And he was the first one that I went to, his party.
And I walked in. I saw him.
And she didn't go to any more other parties.
I didn't. He was dressed as Luke Skywalker.
And I saw him and I just thought...
yeah, I didn't go to any other parties.
No. Just stayed at that one.
As a successful matchmaker,
I've been putting people together for years
through my Millionaire's Club matchmaking service.
My amazing staff and I have made thousands of successful matches.
Obviously this is just one way to find someone special.
Others include the referral.
Get a referral from a friend,
relative or even a guy you've dated.
He may not have been the one,
but maybe his brother or best friend is.
Go out... restaurants, bars, sporting events,
you name it!
Online dating... that's right.
The magic of the computer,
something my grandmother never would have dreamed of.
Online dating can connect you with people
that you would have never have met otherwise.
Let's see how Beth is doing with her online dating profile.
All right, let's start with the photo.
Okay, this one my hair looks terrible.
I look chunky in that.
Okay, this one with the guys at work is pretty flattering.
No, Beth, that isn't flattering.
You're hanging out with a bunch of guys.
He'll think he's got competition before he even starts.
This one's not too bad.
Yeah, it is. You've got a drink in your hand.
Do you want to attract an alcoholic?
Or do you want someone to think you're an easy drunk?
Hey, I look great in this one.
Of course you do. That was taken 10 years ago.
Pictures may look good, but when he sees
the current version of you... pass!
Remember, the photo should be flattering, but also honest.
My advice... get professional photos.
To get a better man, you need a better photo.
Here's one the photographer took of me last month.
I'm gonna use that one.
Okay, physical description...
5'4", brown hair.
Body type? Oh.
Athletic? No, not really.
Petite? Well, almost.
What the hell am I supposed to say, cute but a little pudgy?
Okay, calm down. No big deal.
If you're 15 Ibs overweight,
use words like "I got J-Lo curves."
J-Lo curves. Oh yeah.
Okay, interests.
Well, I love movies and reading,
fine food and of course shopping.
Never ever list shopping. No guy wants to hear that.
Strike shopping.
And what I'm looking for in a guy.
Okay, here's what not to say in your profile:
You never wanna use the phrase "marriage-minded"
or anything like that.
Be more subtle, like, "Someone I could see growing old with."
And never say you want a guy who is generous.
Let's face it.
We'd all like to find someone who's financially well-off,
but if he thinks you're a gold-digger, he'll run, and so he should.
Try to be a little clever.
"Looking for a guy"
who doesn't take himself too seriously,
"but takes life seriously."
Pretty good. You want your profile like your photo...
to be positive, but absolutely honest.
Oh, I have responses! "Hi, this is George."
Hi, George. This is Beth.
"Like your photo, Beth. Do you have any others?
Something a little bit more revealing?"
I don't think so.
"Okay well, then would you just tell me what you're wearing right now?
I wanna picture you."
Picture this. Perv.
Here's one, okay. "Hi, James."
Oh, he's got such a nice picture.
"Hey, Beth, you're up late."
Oh my God, you're right.
I hadn't even realized what time it was.
You're up late too.
"Not for me. I'm more of a night owl."
I tend to think more clearly and get more work done
"when everything's quiet and most people have gone to bed."
I know what you mean.
I guess that would be true too if you got up early enough,
but I was never a morning person.
"We both like to stay up late."
That's one thing we have in common.
"I bet we have other things in common too."
Beth and James, that may be promising.
It's a simple start.
Matter of fact, it's a pretty good darn start.
Now when it comes to online dating, it's after two or three emails
he doesn't ask for your number, forget him and move on.
If he tells you to call him, forget him and move on.
It's easy online.
If it's complicated, forget him and move on.
You should not have to chase him. He should chase you.
And once he asks you out on that first date, remember,
coffee is cheap; Drinks are an addition;
Lunch is an interview; But dinner means business...
the business of romance.
Tracy is using another tried and true method
for meeting someone... personal contacts.
Hi, Mom.
Mom, I'm really not interested
in your friend Sophie's son.
Yeah, of course she's gonna say he's wonderful.
He's her son.
Mom, I know you're just trying to help,
but remember the last time you tried to fix me up?
Immature? You think?
The guy wanted me to cut his steak for him at dinner.
Mom, I'll call you later.
Stop. I know this is hard.
It's your mom and she probably has no idea
what kind of man you like.
Still, don't reject guys before you even meet them.
He could be terrific, or maybe if it doesn't work out,
he could have a friend that is right for you.
A referral from a referral.
Don't shut out opportunities.
Okay okay, why don't you give him my number
and we'll see how it goes?
Much better.
Now here's a valuable tool that works
and it's called a bio card.
Hello.
Susan gave you my bio card?
How do you know her?
Oh, you work at the same law firm?
Okay, so what's a bio card?
It's this little card that's the size of a postcard
that you put your full frontal best photo...
professional photo on it.
And then you put your name.
You don't have to put your last name.
You can put your first name; A telephone number
that someone could get ahold of you or an email address;
And then some stats... height, weight,
education, occupation;
What you're looking for in a guy
and what's your passions and interests.
Now you probably think, "Why would I do that?
That's so dateless and desperate." No, it's not.
You could be sitting on the plane,
going home after a business trip
and there's this nice little old grandma knitting away.
Next thing you know,
she's got a great son for you or great grandson.
Before you know it, she takes your bio card,
hands it over to the guy and he's calling you.
Because men respond to photos,
not referrals of descriptions.
That's why the real-estate agents always get the guy.
Matchmaking, online dating and personal contacts
are a great way to meet guys.
But what about going out?
As much as it can be frustrating, seeing and being seen
is still the number-one method of finding your mate.
But where do you go? Here's the first stop:
A quaint outdoor cafe.
Remember, men love food and they hate to eat alone.
Find a good table and bring along a book.
That book can be a great conversation starter.
The perfect place: A driving range at a golf course.
Don't worry if you're not that good.
Guys love to offer advice and coach you.
Same goes for tennis.
The point is go where the guys are
even if it's outside your normal safety zone.
And speaking of sports, there's no greater spot
for finding single men than the mecca of masculinity
in our society... the sports bar.
Word of warning about sports bars:
If you walk into a rowdy crummy dive,
guess what kind of guys you'll meet.
That's why I prefer more upscale and classy establishments.
I like to get the 411 from my guys
every so often of what it's like to date in the trenches.
Back in our mothers' day, they basically married...
men married for sex
and women married for security, okay?
And now with the internet and text messaging,
it's like, what is a girl to do?
So where are you guys meeting girls?
Honestly, I think it's always the same place.
It's always kind of in bars or coffee shops.
- So you're a drinker, obviously. - Yeah.
Where do you go to meet a hunter-type of guy like you?
Gym, because that means she's an alpha female.
And she cares about her condition.
We already have something in common if she's working out.
And where'd you meet your last girlfriend?
I met her at a party.
Did she walk up to you or you walked up to her?
My roommate introduced me to her.
Now where do you think, other than bars?
Honestly, I think the best places are like either
coffee shops... Starbucks, that type of stuff.
Okay, but don't you think that's cheap?
No, it's not cheap.
I just think it's a neutral place.
So you're saying you go to the coffee shop.
You're basically going to get your everyday latte
and then you see her and you tap that.
The bar situation is like once you walk into a bar
and there's men and there's women,
everyone's like kind of prancing around.
And they're always in their best outfit
and they don't look like they do during the day.
You can talk to someone in line about this is a long line,
and it's not threatening,
but you go to a bar and say the exact same question,
and it's like you know something's up.
But a coffee shop... it's all about the environment.
The more the relaxed environment, the more chances...
Now do you guys have hobbies and interests?
Because I always say the best way to meet someone
is you have to have two things in common with them.
So what are your interests and hobbies?
- What are they? - Tennis.
Okay, so you would meet somebody at a tennis club.
What about you?
I go to the gym, run, all that kind of stuff.
- I like wine. - You like wine.
Wine is where the millionaires are.
Everybody needs to know that wine is the number-one best-kept secret.
If you go to a wine tasting, right?
Now there are certain wine tasting things in L.A.
Where it used to be all men,
but maybe because of you or whatever,
it's now like 70%/% single girls.
So when you're out with your friends, you see a hot girl sitting at the bar.
- What do you guys do? - Sit back for a while.
Why do you sit back for a while? Why do you hesitate?
Because if you get an attractive girl and you look at her
and you think... you wanna see what her vibe's like,
'cause if she's one of these people and she's like, I don't know...
always text messaging and smoking
and just not like... doesn't seem like a nice person...
You're trying to get her signal to see if she's interested, basically.
Or I just wanna see if I think she's a nice person.
How could you look at someone and know if they're a nice person?
- Because they smoke? - No, just their demeanor.
Don't you think it's judgmental of you?
Maybe that's why you're single.
People carry themselves...
people carry themselves differently.
I'm not saying that's guaranteed gonna be,
but you can kind of get an idea of somebody
by observing how they act, how they treat the bartender.
Now let me ask you a question.
She's with her posse, her girlfriends.
Do you infiltrate the posse or do you hang back
because you're afraid to get shot down?
No, I infiltrate.
- You're a hunter, basically. - I'm a hunter, definitely.
'Cause a lot of men in today's society...
L.A., New York, Chicago... it don't matter, honey.
They're just watching us and waiting for us
to cross the street to get drunk enough to ask you for your number.
Do you ask them for their number?
I'd much rather someone ask me for my number.
That's passive-aggressive behavior.
- Yeah. - That's feminine energy,
and what we say in Millionaire's Club...
Way to go, buddy. Nice work.
I think I've seen that before.
Okay, so feminine energy says to a woman
if I do all the work from the beginning,
then I have now created my little baby boy.
How soon do you kiss the girl right after you date them?
Is it on the first date? Second date? Third date?
- First... I would say first date. - Second date.
So he's also a hunter.
So now the two of you are hunters at the table.
- Okay, first date? - Absolutely.
And do you try to get sex on the first date?
No.
Is it just because I'm sitting here you're saying that?
No. If it's there, I'll take it.
Are you asking, is it somebody that I'm considering
to actually be in a relationship with?
Yeah, obviously we're here to teach women
how to get married in one year.
So the purpose of this is to show women
what men are really thinking.
Because if I tap into your Pandora's box,
or your Pandora's box, I now know... I've got an edge now.
Now I know how to maneuver the minefield.
And if you had a sister out in the trenches dating,
or a mother who's single,
you'd want her to find the best guy possible.
These are the rules. This is the road map.
This is the Bible. As I say, this is the Torah.
So how about I buy you a drink?
- I'd love that. Thank you. - Done. See ya, lads.
Beth and Tracy are ready to go out and hopefully meet some guys.
The key here is patience and knowing what you're looking for.
Here's some advice on how to increase your chances
to meet someone when you walk into a bar.
First off, make friends with the bartender.
He can introduce you to a generous guy
who's quick to buy drinks.
You win and the bartender wins.
But be careful... don't be too friendly,
or the bartender may spend the whole night talking to you
and keeping all the other guys at bay.
Good. Another technique that is very reliable
is the five-second flirt.
What you do is lock eyes with a guy you're attracted to
and hold it for five seconds and then smile.
And if he doesn't come over to you,
he's either not interested, gay, taken or simply not a hunter.
In which case, you don't want him anyway.
So what we're gonna do is demonstrate the five-second flirt.
I need a straight guy from the audience.
How about you?
Okay, all right, stay right there.
Don't move. Look at the light.
That's the pretty little light, okay?
So I'm at the bar and I really like him.
And of course I get nervous.
How many girls go to the bars and they're terrified
to, like, look at a guy they really like?
Like you all have dates tonight?
Come on, raise your hands.
Please! All right, so the secret is your smile.
Let me tell you something.
You need to get these pearly whites done.
Put it on the credit card. I don't care if you max it out.
This is the best investment you'll ever have.
So I see you. You see me.
You like me and I like you, but I'm nervous.
So I'm looking around. I see... there he is.
There he is, oh my God. So I, like, go like this.
I didn't even... you must be Middle Eastern.
You came right over.
He didn't even wait for two.
He walked right over to me.
So it works, okay? So this is how it works.
And then he asks you out.
Like, hello.
So the secret to this is this:
You can start by doing guys you're not that attracted to
'cause you don't care if they ask you out.
You can start in the grocery store, at the gas station.
I don't care where.
Eventually, you're gonna work up to seeing that it works,
and then you're gonna try it on the hottie patottie,
who's gonna cross the street and ask you out.
And I promise you, this will work.
- You ready for our date? - Sure.
Okay, let's go.
Thanks for coming aboard. Thank you.
Here are some dating disasters you want to watch out for.
First up, Kenny the Critic.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Nice place. - It is.
Me and my friends have driven past this place so many times,
but this is the first time I've actually come into this bar.
"My friends and I."
Pardon me?
Well, you said, "Me and my friends."
But the correct phrasing
would actually be "my friends and I."
Of course.
Kenny is quick to correct your speech,
your friends and just about anything else.
Forget him. Who needs a life like that?
He's either obsessed with perfection
or he's totally insecure himself.
Now meet Bobby the Bragger.
Yeah, that girl over there,
she wants me to go home with her.
Okay. So why don't you?
Why don't I? 'Cause I'm talking to you.
I'm just saying she was really into me, that's all.
You know what I mean.
I mean, you can understand why, right?
He thinks he is God's gift to women.
All I can say is next!
I just came from that new restaurant in the hotel.
Totally overrated.
I mean, the food and the service was okay,
but the prices... so high.
Sorry you didn't enjoy your meal.
I mean, the food was really excellent,
but it's hard to enjoy it when you know you might need
a second mortgage to pay for it.
Know what I mean?
Sure.
Bartender, how much for a Lotus martini?
This is Frugal Freddie. He's basically a cheapskate.
It's all right to be thrifty, but for him,
every dollar he spends seems to cause him pain.
Bad news. Here's another one to be aware of...
it's all too common... Paulie the Pouncer.
- Hey. - Hi.
Would you like an appetizer with your drink?
- Yeah, that'd be great. - Let's get the oysters.
- I hear they're a real aphrodisiac. - Is that right?
But one look at you and I don't need much help in that department.
In fact, I got a room up in the hotel here.
- So if you want to just go upstairs. - Okay...
Some guys really think that's gonna turn a woman on.
This guy is annoying and just wants to get laid,
but at least he's upfront about it.
Someone like Mark the Misogynist, though,
can be a little scary.
They clearly don't like or respect women.
My last girlfriend was a real bitch.
Everything had to be her way or forget it.
Well, there was no way I was gonna be putting up
with all of her crap.
Look, I'm not the kind of guy who's just gonna roll over
when some skirt snaps her fingers.
My mom one time tried to convince me...
All I can say is run, don't walk when guys like him are around.
Now here's a familiar one: Wally the Wounded.
Be careful of Wally.
This type has a way of sucking you in
and making you wanna take care of him.
So my wife left me about six months ago.
Oh God.
What makes it so hard... she left me for a woman.
How did I not see that coming?
- Yeah, that must be tough. - Yeah, it gets worse.
The woman she fell in love with was my boss.
How awkward is that?
Not only do I lose my wife,
I gotta find a new job.
Ouch.
Like I said, be careful.
You aren't looking for a puppy to save.
You're looking for a partner who's able
to take care of you when you need it.
However, don't get discouraged.
The key is patience and persistence.
Believe me, there are normal healthy and worthwhile guys out there.
Must be my lucky day.
A beautiful woman next to a spot at the bar...
what are the odds, huh?
- May I join you? - Sure.
I've gotta ask. That opening line?
- Yeah. - Have you used it before?
Or did you just make it up?
I swear I have never used that line before.
Okay, I've never really used it
and really really meant it, is what I meant to say.
Okay, you get points for honesty...
and that smile.
- I'm Barry. - Tracy. Nice to meet you.
Like I said, patience.
Good things will come to those who hang in there.
It's my cell. Hello.
Of course I remember you, James.
You're that night owl that I met online.
Oh my God, dinner next week would be great.
I love Italian.
Months four through six were about where to find guys
and how to pick a guy with potential.
During months seven through nine, we'll explore the dating process.
When we first started dating together and stuff like that
and talking to each other,
it was as if we knew each other for 10 years.
I'd always flirt with her across the table
and talk to her and everything.
'Cause we were working together,
and so he would try to be... like at meetings,
sit close together and borrow his pencil
and do all those silly things that you do when you're a teenager.
- I knew she liked me. - You didn't.
We're now ready to begin the actual dating process.
Now I personally hated dating.
I'd rather sit back through 10 hours of bikini waxing
than go out on a first, second or third date.
My advice: Get over it. I did.
I discovered a trick that actually made the dating process fun.
It starts by collecting places you'd like to go to
and things you wanna do.
Make a list of restaurants you've always wanted to try.
Also some activities, like concerts, wine tastings
or even skydiving.
When you get that call for the first date and he asks you,
"What do you wanna do?" Or "Where do you wanna go?"
Pull out something from your list.
That way even if the date doesn't work out,
at least you tried something you like to do.
I'm so excited to try this restaurant.
- I've heard nothing but good things. - Yeah, me too.
It was a great choice.
My ex-boyfriend would take me to nice restaurants all the time.
Not like this though.
- Yeah, really? - Yeah.
With him it was just restaurants and gifts,
restaurants and gifts.
And then we'd argue. I don't know why.
We'd just always argue. He was kind of a jerk.
We just weren't very compatible.
He was very conservative, politically speaking, and I'm not.
He was Jewish. I'm Catholic.
- He thought he was such a prince... - Stop it!
I can't take this anymore.
Tracy, you broke four rules in only two sentences.
That could be a record.
First, never ever talk about the ex.
No guy wants to hear about it.
If you're looking for sympathy
because you were treated poorly, forget it.
Trust me. You may hang on to every detail
of your past relationship, but other people find it boring.
And besides, what guy wants to hear
he's already being compared to someone else?
Secondly, he bought me nice presents?
Are you kidding? Gold-digger! Enough said.
So what not to discuss on a date?
First of all, religion and politics
never ever made a girl or a guy happy.
Kick that right out the window.
Stay on neutral subjects, such as passions, interests,
fun things you like to do,
like movies and hiking and skiing.
Depressing subjects stay away from.
Don't tell him you're on antidepressants,
you were an ex-alcoholic or you got out of rehab.
And he doesn't wanna hear that your mother left your father
for a younger woman.
Stay on things that make you both happy
and excited to see each other.
I wonder how Beth and James are doing on their first date.
I love this restaurant.
It reminds me of those restaurants in movies
where some big mafia guy has a giant plate
of spaghetti and meatballs.
- Yeah, I know what you mean. - Do you like movies?
Of course. Not all movies.
I don't really go for foreign films all that much... you know, subtitles.
I'd rather watch a movie than read it.
Fair enough, yeah. Well, what's your all-time favorite?
Favorite? I hate to say it. It's kind of a guy movie.
- "Top Gun." - I love "Top Gun."
Good. Beth picked a safe topic... movies.
And she asked a lot of questions, opening the conversation up
for a ping-pong match of back and forth.
Guys love to answer questions about themselves
if you give them a chance.
And the favorite movie question? Nice trick.
It seems like a very inoffensive question,
but actually, it's quite revealing.
"Top Gun" means the guy has a certain macho
tough-guy thing going on, likes action,
but also may be a little bit of a romantic.
Okay, so there's one last topic to avoid on a date.
And of course everybody knows
that I'm known for no sex before monogamy.
No sex, no sex, no sex.
You can't talk about it. You can't discuss it.
If he tries to talk about sex, he wants sex.
Therefore, you have to say, "No sex without monogamy."
You will thank me later.
Okay, so how many people are going out with guys and just getting laid
and are not in an exclusive, committed, monogamous relationship?
I have been dating. I just date.
So are you sleeping with guys without commitment?
- Mm-hmm. - Do you think that works for you?
Right now.
Do you know that if you sleep with someone without commitment,
you're gonna get oxytocin bonded? So what's oxytocin?
It's a chemical in the body that's fueled by estrogen.
20s and 30s, you can go crazy on oxytocin.
One good guy... one guy gives you a good orgasm,
and he could be a loser and you could be bonded to a loser.
Do you realize that you're at risk?
When a young woman and a young man get together,
she's very susceptible
to oxytocin bonding.
Oxytocin is a neuropeptide
that supports the neurotransmitters,
which are big deals in the brain.
And what happens then is she bonds to him
even when he's not in love with her.
And therefore, young women have to watch out
that they don't get had sexually
by men, especially young men.
Old men are on oxytocin because they're on estrogen.
Therefore, young men have a tendency
to lie, cheat and steal to have intercourse.
And if women that are young have intercourse,
they run the risk of bonding
and wasting years of their life.
While we're on the subject of sex,
there is no sex without exclusivity.
That means monogamy, even in a relationship.
There's no in, in, and yes, girls, no in.
This is not just a rule.
This is one of my major commandments
never ever to be broken.
Think of me as your Moses of matrimony.
I'm gonna save you, but first
you gotta follow my 10 commandments of dating.
Thou shalt return phone calls promptly.
If you don't, you're not being hard to get,
you're being rude.
Thou shalt honor thy dating commitments.
Nobody likes a flake. Once you commit, it's done.
Thou shalt let the man take the lead.
If you want to be romanced, let the man lead.
In the beginning thou shalt leave the past in the past.
Don't drag your baggage out right away.
Thou shalt be engaging. Be a good listener.
Focus your attention and energy on him.
Thou shalt not drink too much on a date.
Two drink, tops. Drunk and sloppy is never attractive.
Thou shalt not be a gold digger.
He should pay for dates.
Anything more and he's buying your affection.
Thou shalt act like a lady.
You're his date, not his drinking buddy.
Thou shalt express interest and appreciation.
Men like compliments just as much as you do.
Thou shalt not become intimate on the first date.
This is where we started.
Remember, nobody gets naked until there's exclusivity.
Beth is trying to follow the commandment
of letting the guy lead and call her, but with great difficulty.
Why doesn't he call?
I mean, I had a really good time with him at dinner.
He said he had a good time with me at dinner.
He gave me a good-night kiss.
Don't be a jerk, James.
You know what? This is crazy.
I'm just gonna call him. I'm just gonna... no.
No, I should wait.
But why? Why should I wait?
This is the new millennium. I should be allowed to call.
There's a good reason not to call.
You want the relationship to work.
The guy has to pursue you or he will just get lazy
and let the relationship come to him.
It may not seem fair, it may not seem right
and it may drive you crazy.
But what works, works.
You want a hunter male, not a passive weak wimp.
So don't call. What you do, however,
is utilize techniques that save your sanity.
You don't call. You get busy.
The secret to this is dating a pair and a spare.
Okay. Gentlemen.
A pair and a spare is very simple.
First is... a.k.a. Hot boy... James.
You can't wait for him to call.
But you gotta get busy with other guys
so you don't think about him, otherwise the phone's never gonna ring.
Second is the cusper.
He's the guy that you find funny and friendly
and always takes you to hot places, but something's missing.
Maybe he's too short or maybe he's bald
or maybe he doesn't have enough money.
Third is the best friend on the end.
He's the guy you're never gonna marry,
but you have a great time with.
He's known you forever... warts, farts and all.
And you take him to your sister's wedding.
All these three men will rotate throughout your life
according to how many people you're dating at the same time.
The secret is to get busy so you don't focus on one
so that the frontrunner gets in.
Oh and by the way, James did call Beth the next day.
They've been dating for quite a few weeks.
- So what did you think? - I liked it.
I don't usually go for romantic comedies,
but this one wasn't too mushy.
Little bit more comedy than romantic.
What, you have a problem with romance?
No, not at all.
It's just that these movies have this predictable fantasy.
The guy and the girl start out hating each other,
then they realize they're perfect together.
Something keeps them apart, but somehow they end up together,
you know, roll credits.
So it's not the romance that bothers you.
You just don't like movies that follow a formula.
Yeah, exactly. It doesn't feel real, you know?
Like this.
This feels real.
I could get used to this.
That too, but I meant more,
you know, just having you around and in my life.
Are you up for a double feature?
I've got a lot more DVDs.
It looks like things are going very well for Beth and James.
She made it clear that it's all about the relationship,
not just about the sex.
Bravo, Beth. But she still needs to be careful.
It can get passionate quickly. You have to stay on top of it.
One of the things that James and Beth have going for them
is what I call the three Cs...
chemistry, compatibility and communication.
Now last we saw Tracy and Barry,
things were still a little rocky.
But Tracy was saving it.
Some more time has passed
and things are actually going pretty well.
I think it's time for the next step: Exclusivity.
Are you just dating? Or are you a couple?
You think she's hot?
What? Who?
I think she is.
Those boobs probably cost her a few thousand.
I wasn't looking.
No, seriously, I wasn't.
Why would I need to look when I'm already here with you...
the most beautiful woman in the restaurant?
- You're sweet. - Yeah.
But I can't blame you for looking. I did.
The question is do you wanna do anything about it?
- No no. - What I'm saying is...
Hey hey, I only have eyes for you, okay?
So what do you think this weekend you and I get away, all right?
Just me and you, Vegas. Yeah?
- That sounds fun. - Okay.
But we'd have to get separate hotel rooms.
I wouldn't feel comfortable being in the same hotel room as you
since we're just dating.
Seriously?
Okay well, no more dating.
How's that sound?
- You mean? - Yeah.
Boyfriend and girlfriend.
Well, that went well.
Barry and Tracy have made the commitment to monogamy.
Anyone here wants to guess what's gonna happen
in her bedroom tonight?
I know taking the exclusivity step is big,
but if you keep dating too long without that commitment,
you're wasting your time.
That is if your goal is to be married.
I don't think I've ever worked out in front
of somebody I was dating before.
Whatcha reading?
A book I heard about on the radio.
It's a cross between an action thriller and a romance.
Action I expect, but it's nice to see you
cultivating your romantic side.
- Did I mention it has aliens? - Figures.
What do you mean? I'm romantic.
Didn't I buy you flowers last week for no reason?
It wasn't even a holiday.
You want a prize for that?
No, you are romantic. You're romantic.
That's right, I am.
How'd you feel about your own alien attack?
Wait, baby. Baby, come on. Let's put the brakes on, okay?
No. I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps around.
Well, I don't want a girl that sleeps around.
Aren't we exclusive? Isn't it just you and me?
You're not just saying this to get into my pants, are you?
No. Well yeah.
But no no, I don't wanna date anyone else.
I wanna give this a real shot.
Okay, so now let's talk about what just happened.
They basically negotiated their contracts
where the men were really doing the negotiating,
and that's what you need to do.
When a guy tries to get sex
without giving you the monogamy card,
you need to stop it right there, girlfriend.
It's all about being a woman with boundaries.
And simply say, "I'm just not that type of girl.
I don't give the milk away for free."
In the case of Tracy and Barry,
he knew he had to take her away in order to get sex,
but she stopped it with the hotel rooms.
When it came to Beth and James,
she's like, "No, I'm sorry. I need exclusivity."
And that's what you all need to do.
The secret to getting the exclusivity is to negotiate.
And all you have to do is say
you're not the type of girl that sleeps around.
Stop right there. You don't tell him why.
You don't tell him how much your value is worth.
You don't give him a road map on how to get to Z.
You basically need him to do all the negotiating.
You're headed in the right direction
and have moved to the level of monogamous commitment,
but you're not done yet.
This'll be a tricky time for you.
Relationships can easily get kicked off the road
and end up in a ditch, just like when you're driving.
There are warning signs... deer crossing, train tracks,
single lane ahead. Same thing in dating.
You need to spot these warning signs as early as possible
so you can avoid a serious crash.
Here's what to look for.
Cagey about calls.
If you're not calling him at home, he could be married.
Spontaneity. A little bit is good.
Too much and he's acting childish.
Not a good sign. Mommy issues.
He can be too close with Mom. Again, beware.
Uncontrolled rage. If he screams at other drivers,
or easily flies off the handle, run.
You may be the next target.
Vanity.
If he spends more time in front of the mirror
than you do, beware. He's gay.
Text & email obsessed... a sign of immaturity.
A real man picks up the phone.
All this from the woman's perspective.
But how do guys feel about this early dating infatuation period?
As they get to know you better, what are their warning signs?
So now you're getting into a relationship.
Now this is like the imperfect phase.
This is like three to six.
All these creepy-deepy things start coming out.
What are the warning signs to get out of the relationship?
Besides stalking your house 2:00 in the morning
with chocolate chip cookies... that I did.
I would say huge changes in behavior.
Like in what way? What way?
Well, like when...
I don't know, just different stuff.
- Either... - Checking text messages.
So in other words they're on... do they tail you?
The way that she treats you...
if all of a sudden it changes now.
Like this was my little tiny act I was doing to get you.
So she gets jealous. She gets kind of secretive.
She wants to see where you're going, what you're doing.
She's trying to keep you on a short leash, right?
That's what it is.
And also she's always trying to check in.
When you go out, she'll send you 50 text messages.
What about the freedom girl?
What about the girl that gives you way too much freedom?
It's like, "I'm too busy. I'm too busy."
Then you think that she's doing something.
Exactly.
- It needs to be a nice middle ground. - Okay, middle ground, okay.
Now are you guys a check-in-once-a-day- phone-call guy?
Are you like now at this point...
It's not a check-in thing. It's just, "I want to talk to you."
So wait, so let's talk about text messaging.
'Cause this is the number-one problem I have in my business with my clients,
male, female, straight, gay...
Absolutely. ...young, old.
Do you ask a girl out on the first date on text?
No.
Do you ever text a girl goodbye on text?
- Goodbye like you're breaking up? No. - You're breaking up with her.
Have you done an email breakup? Honestly, answer me.
Have you done an email breakup?
I've done a voicemail breakup though.
You've done a voicemail breakup. Did you regret it?
- Actually I've done a voicemail... - Did you regret it?
- When I saw her... - I was thrilled.
It's true. I was.
It was like I was so nervous.
I thought I was gonna pass out.
Was this a long long relationship that you broke up with
or is this somebody that you just met?
No, it was over a year for me.
Tell me what you were going to say.
I just actually moved away and didn't tell her.
You just changed your address?
Yeah, I moved to L.A.
"Excuse me. My zip code has changed."
She went home for Christmas.
We hadn't talked for a good solid 30 days.
And all of a sudden she calls back in January and she's like,
"Hi, how's everything going?" I was like, "Cool."
So how many times have you checked in on a daily basis
- when you're now monogamous? - Three or four.
Now let's talk about you calling the girl.
You call the girl. You ask her out.
You're monogamous, okay?
Now do you expect the girl to call you?
Because technically speaking, the women only call you back.
And this is something you guys don't understand.
Just because you took us to dinner,
we're not calling you the next day to say thank you.
Because we have to wait for you to call us
because you could be in bed with another woman if I call you,
and that's gonna make us feel like crap.
We want to feel good all the time.
So we wait for you to call.
- Wow. - So are you now expecting her,
now that you're monogamous, to call you all the time?
No, I think it's initiated,
you know, 50/50.
If we're in a relationship and someone's giving too much
or taking too much, then there's a problem.
It should be equal.
There's a rule my mother used to say:
Always let the man love you just a little bit more.
Do you think that's true?
My whole thing is you can't be playing games.
You've gotta be open and honest.
But you don't think you can't pick someone who loves you more?
You can so pick someone who loves you more.
Just a smidgen more. I'm not saying a lot, just a smidgen.
An extra spice in the recipe and the soup.
I don't know, but going back to the calling thing,
'cause that's important,
I don't want a woman who's going to call me to check in, okay?
- Yeah. - I want a woman
who's gonna call me with something specific to say.
Okay, that's crazy. Six months in?
There's nothing to say. "How's your day going?"
- What are you gonna do? - It's like, "I want to talk to you."
What do you think, she's writing a novel and she's Tolstoy here?
She's gonna get on and say, "Hey, how's your day going?"
That's all she's gonna do.
Why is that wrong to say, "I'm checking in"?
What I'm talking about is, "Hey, I'm just sitting here.
What are you up to?" You know, that's irritating.
But then don't you "sext" at that point?
Don't you like go, "Hey, I'm thinking about you.
What are you doing in your meeting?"
And go back and forth and sext, right?
- "Sext." - Yeah.
- Sexting is a big thing right now. - It's fun.
My friends who are in their 50s are sexting.
I'm cracking up with this.
Gross! No.
Speaking of sex, have you ever had Skype sex?
Never.
- Phone sex over a video camera? - You're in another city...
- Is that what you're saying? - Yeah, Skype sex.
Never do anything with a record.
You never do anything with a record.
- You never made a video? - Never.
- Would you ever make a video? - I will.
And then 20 years later, it hits you... there it is.
20 years later, "Yeah, I looked good.
Look at that. I took that down.
"Look at those moves! That's right!"
Speaking of sex,
do you guys read books on how to please your women?
No.
- 'Cause you know it all, right? - I don't read books.
But when you're at the dentist and you see the women's magazine?
"What women want," I'm always checking that out.
So you're reading the "Cosmo" in the dentist's office?
Always. That is priceless information.
That's like the Bible. Men don't know that.
You've gotta read the women's magazines.
The women's magazines is all about having to please the men, dude.
- No, "Cosmo" is the best. - It's about pleasing yourselves.
Okay, FYI, you need a little help.
"Cosmo" is the best because it gives you
the play-by-play directions and how-to.
And let me tell you something, it's not all about this.
It's about downstairs, honey. You need to licky licky lick.
I did read a book on that though.
You're telling me like I need to know this.
Like I don't have the playbook.
So you've satisfied all your women?
- No one's ever faked it with you? - Faked?
Please elaborate on that.
So you wanna know how you know if they really had an orgasm?
- Please. - You put your hand on their chest.
If their heart is really pumping, they'll be a little bit out of breath
and it's a repetition of beats, a certain amount of beats.
- That's when it's real? - Yeah, that's when it's real.
If we don't have that, we're faking it, honey.
We're totally doing "Harry Met Sally."
Honey, why are you putting your hand on my chest?
Well, I was just hoping that you're still alive.
During months seven through nine, we navigated the dating process,
including getting that commitment to monogamy.
As we move toward the goal of marriage,
these next three months are about negotiating the ring.
One early summer, I took her up
to the Griffith Park Observatory.
And I'm an illustrator by trade.
And I kind of created... I bought a little journal
and created kind of a little cartoon of our life together.
And with each flip of the page, there was like some aspect
of her that I loved or something that we experienced together
or something that was great.
Just kind of a silly cartoony way.
And so I gave this to her
as we were looking out over the city,
and as she's flipping through the book, when she...
she's into it.
- I'm crying. - She's crying.
She's like, "This is awesome."
'Cause she hadn't got to the last page.
She goes to the last page. She opens it.
And I had cut out in the journal a space for the ring,
so I had the ring inside the journal.
So when she turned to the last page, there was a ring.
And then I got down on one knee and...
Yeah! There you go.
"I'd like you to meet my boyfriend."
Such a simple statement, but how great is it
when you can say it filled with pride and excitement?
Not just a guy I'm seeing, but someone who you can see yourself
spending the rest of your life with.
You're transitioning out of the infatuation stage
and now you're in a relationship
with all the benefits and challenges.
You're officially off the market,
which means that profile on the internet comes down.
It also means that both parties are starting to let go
of their good dating behavior
and relax into just being together.
Nice pass!
Hey, baby, can you bring me some more of that guac?
Sure.
- Hey, what you watching? - Steelers-Bears.
Cool, well, would you wanna go to the mall and catch a movie later?
No, I'm cool here. Maybe later?
Welcome to reality.
You've found someone you wanna share your life with,
go to plays with and have long talks,
someone who's your soulmate.
He might be that, but it doesn't mean he's also
your absolute twin 24/7.
It's important to understand that men need their downtime,
their cave time.
What girls need to do is get their girl cave time on.
They need to go get manis and pedis and go to the mall
and get "Cosmo"s and let the rubberband stretch.
At the end of the day when all is said and done,
he will thank you for letting him watch the game
and you might get a backrub with that.
Having said that, some issues are important,
especially if you're on the verge of taking the next big step.
Honey, what do you think of this house?
It's nice. Yeah, I like the architecture.
But whoa! Look at that price tag.
Yeah, definitely not worth that.
Actually, with my condo payments and what you spend in rent,
we probably aren't that far off.
Yeah, but then we're stuck with that huge mortgage payment
and maintenance costs and all that other crap
that comes with buying a house.
It's just way too much for me right now.
I'd rather see us spend our money on things like travel.
You know, keep it light,
not to have that huge commitment over our head.
What would you say to a trip to Europe?
Or Japan? Now that would be nice, right?
This is a big issue.
Some people would like to spend money on things like a home,
and others would like to use it for experiences like a trip.
Attitudes about money are huge in a relationship.
Stop! Do not pass go.
Barry and Tracy need to have a serious conversation
about finances and how they see their future.
When a couple comes together and they've consummated
and they've been sexual and they're ready to negotiate a deal,
they've gotta know what their deal-breakers are.
They've gotta know 'em in four areas:
How to handle time; How to handle money;
How to handle space and how to handle play.
If they come up against things that are unacceptable,
then you've got to recognize that you're not compatible
and you're going to destroy the relationship.
But if you can work out compromises...
I'll trade you this for this... then you can stay together.
You thought their last conversation was a revelation?
Well, they mostly got through that topic, believe it or not,
but here comes the landmine.
You know, I've been thinking.
Things have been going
really really well for us lately, you know?
After all these years of dating,
I'm pretty darn happy.
You know, I've found the real deal.
It's you. You know that?
So I was thinking,
how would you feel about moving in with me?
You know, I've got plenty of space and we see each other all the time.
So, you know,
it would just be so nice to wake up
and see you every morning.
That sounds good, right?
I just don't feel comfortable
moving in with you unless we're engaged.
She's correct. Perfect.
Statistics show that people who move in together
are less likely to get married.
If you move in together without the ring,
he would get all the benefits of marriage
without the big commitment.
Why would a guy wanna ever change that situation?
Honey, I really appreciate the offer.
But I'm kind of old-fashioned
and I don't wanna move in with someone
until I'm ready to walk down the aisle with him.
That's my girl.
Under no circumstances do you move in without a ring
and a date for the wedding.
Some people say what difference does a marriage make?
It's only a piece of paper.
I'll tell you what difference it makes.
When you take your vows in front of your friends and family,
it takes your commitment to a whole new long-term level.
And then? Not so easy just to walk away.
Now this is what I'm talking about.
They say you should always go for the brass ring,
but personally, I prefer platinum.
It's time for that final step
that I call negotiating the ring.
That may sound a bit calculated,
but if you wanna move the relationship from boyfriend and girlfriend
to husband and wife, it may take a little strategy.
Guys can be slow, so first off don't propose to him.
He's the man, the hunter. It must feel like his idea.
Let's talk a moment and talk about what may be the reason
for not popping the big question.
It could be complacency.
He's happy with the way things are.
If that's the case, you need to pull back a little.
What makes you decide to get off the market
for the rest of your life and choose one person?
I think some of it is if you don't ask this girl,
you're gonna lose her.
- Love you. Come here. - Thank you.
What about you, doggy?
What... I mean, what? Which part of it do you wanna know?
You were the most hesitant of the bunch.
You were the guy that's like nothing is good enough.
You're a bigger better deal. I see right away from you.
You always think there's something better around the corner.
You think you got all the time in the world.
If I'm sold, then I'm sold.
Now how long does it take for you to propose?
Two years.
Oh my God, you're kidding. How old are you?
- 29. - Okay, you're okay.
Under 30, I can say it could take two years,
but over 30, no way... a year.
A woman should never give a man more than a year.
Really?
You should be at negotiation stage at nine months.
- Negotiations? - Yeah.
It's a deal. It's a business deal.
It's true. She has no time to waste.
Three reasons to get married. Go.
What are the three reasons to get married?
- You can't live without the woman. - Okay.
- You wanna have children. - Okay.
- And you want a future together. - What about you?
Definitely you can't live without her,
and she has to be the perfect person to raise a family.
What about you?
I would say that both of you are, you know, that it's...
both of you are totally in love with each other.
Not just I can't do without the woman.
She can't do without me either. It's gotta be both.
And so if I feel that, then I would say that
that's the main difference I see with those guys.
- What about you? - You can't live without them.
You want her to be the mother of your children
and you don't wanna lose them.
He's been saying "lose" a lot and I think that what you guys...
he seems like he's been a hunter since the beginning.
We've had this conversation. He carpe diems it.
Maybe because he's from another country, I don't know,
but the bottom line is you guys seem like
you have all the time in the world.
And I really need to... if you leave me today,
take one thought: You do not have all the time in the world.
- You get one year and that's it. - Okay.
So you have to make your decisions wisely
and step up to the plate.
Three reasons why you don't get married.
What's the three reasons you don't get married?
You know this. What's the three reasons you don't get married?
The sex sucks.
That's one.
Two, there's red flags
that you're trying to overlook.
You mean personality traits?
Yeah, stuff that's popping up and you're like, "Ehh..."
So would that be money? Would that be incompatible
in the money, in the financial area?
No, I don't think money shou... money does come into it,
but I don't really think it should.
What if I'm a spender and you're a saver?
How does that work?
- I guess that sucks. - Right. How do we come
- to a meeting of the minds? - Counseling.
Now you have problems. Would you go to counseling?
- Yes, definitely. - You would?
Well, you live in L.A. That's on every corner here.
That's McDonald's. You know what I mean?
Most men don't wanna go to counseling, just so you know.
So if you were gonna tell your sister, your mother,
your best friend how to find a great guy,
how to seal the deal in a year to be married,
what would be the one thing you would tell them?
Why don't you go first?
This is really important.
Yeah, I would say don't take the guy for...
don't take him... don't take advantage of him.
Don't take him for granted.
And what about you?
I would say keep doing the things that got him in order for him to stay.
In other words, if she cooked in the beginning,
or you were very accommodating, keep doing it?
If you gave him oral sex in the beginning,
make sure he continues to get it.
What about you?
Don't be scared to show your commitment straightaway.
That's interesting.
So she should be able to be honest upfront?
- Yeah, exactly. - So you don't have to keep fishing?
- Like, "Do you like me?" - Yeah, just say it.
- What about you? - Be real. Be yourself.
- Don't play games. - Be authentic.
Don't play games, okay.
Don't play games. Well, this was great.
Thanks for inviting me here and us getting to know each other.
I think a lot of women needed this information.
And I think this is gonna be invaluable
when they start dating on the market.
- Okay. - Thank you.
- Thank you, okay. - Happy to be here.
I'm glad that we could help women everywhere.
- How about a cheers? - Cheers.
To women everywhere.
There are a whole bunch of reasons or excuses
why guys don't pop the question.
If he isn't willing to move forward, you need to get out now.
It's better to find someone who is on the same track as you, right?
How do you start the conversation?
Pick a quiet time with no pressure
and give him a "me-imatum."
It is not an ultimatum, which is a threat.
The me-imatum lets him know exactly where you stand
and what you're prepared to do.
By the way, thanks for washing my car yesterday.
It looks great.
So much better than when I pay for it
at that place down on the corner.
I never said I wasn't gonna charge you.
Happy to do it, baby.
So we've been dating for nine months now, right?
Yeah.
It's probably been like the best nine months of my life.
I've just really grown to love you.
But I have to be honest.
When we first started dating,
we both agreed that we were looking for someone to marry.
And now that we've fallen in love,
I guess I was just wondering
if marriage could still be in the cards.
I would never give you an ultimatum,
but I'm just not the kind of girl
that wants to date indefinitely.
So if you don't see marriage in our future,
then I don't wanna hold you up.
And I should be free to find somebody
who's on the same page as me.
I just need to know.
Of course I see a future for us.
I love you.
And I'm thrilled that you love me too.
And as for the possibility of other people, no way.
I just think I need a little more time.
I wanna make sure it's right
when I make that decision.
And I feel like I need to save up some more.
That car wash money
will come in pretty handy.
Okay, now I understand.
How about three months
and then we can talk about it again?
Maybe make a decision?
Yeah, that sounds perfect.
Mazel tov. Did you see that?
Just right. That's great. It worked out.
But if it didn't with the me-imatum,
you have to be willing to follow through,
even if you get a response that is less than favorable.
Barry, can we talk?
What's up, baby?
I've been thinking.
- Things are going so well for us. - Yeah.
My life is so much better since you've been a part of it.
I can't even imagine dating again.
Dating? Okay, I hope not. What's up?
I was just wondering if you felt
marriage was in our future.
I would never pressure you,
but I can't date indefinitely.
So if you don't see us getting married,
I don't wanna hold you up, and I need to be free
to find someone who's on the same page as I am.
This is the critical juncture.
There are three possible responses.
"Of course I see us together."
That's the reaction you hope for.
The next is, "I'm not sure yet. I need a little more time."
Still good. That's where Beth and James are.
And then of course, there is the, "Sorry. I'm not taking that step."
If you hear this last answer, move on.
It's over. Period.
Wow.
That's really out of left field.
Look, I like the way things are right now, okay?
I feel like you're pressuring me.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?
But you've known that marriage has always
been a part of my future.
So if you don't see that happening,
I think it's best that we both have the opportunity
to find what makes us happy.
You're terrific,
but I think we just want
different things out of life.
Maybe it's time for both of us to move on.
Mazel tov to you, Tracy.
I know that wasn't what she wanted to hear,
but better now than three years down the road.
If he feels that way, he could never make her truly happy.
I think Tracy can use another dose of Dating Detox.
There are four divisions in a relationship.
First three months, perfect. Everybody's doing it right.
Second three months, imperfect.
Third three months, negotiate a deal
or the fourth three months is never gonna make it.
No one is worth relating to.
You have got to decide
if you have enough in the relationship.
If you don't have enough compatibility or chemistry,
and you cannot communicate your needs and wants,
then you're probably gonna be better off saying,
"I don't wanna do this, but I gotta go.
I love you dearly, not better than me."
Our year is up. Things worked out great for Beth.
She found James, dated him,
they became girlfriend and boyfriend and now they're engaged.
Tracy wasn't as fortunate, but she gave it her best shot.
Wasn't meant to be, but the good news
is she learned it over the course of months, not years.
Now it's your turn.
Remember what I told you and learn from these two girls.
Follow these instructions carefully,
and if you start today,
you too could be married in one year.
We are gathered here today to witness the union
of James and Beth.